Promise
by AidenHatterMoon
Summary: The Cullens are known for accepting change as a way of life, especially when Bella came along. Now all they want to do is take a break from all the fighting, But Alice sees something in Jasper's near future that could jeopardize their very existence.


I couldn't believe he was doing this to me, me of all people in the world to abandon, the one who needed him most. But then again I guess it was foolish of me to think that all my petty begging and crying would stop him. We all knew that once his mind was made up that there was no way in hell that he would reconsider. Yet so often I'd sit and listen to him speak of the dreams he'd had about owning his own ranch with animals, a garden, a Wife and kids, an actual life; it had given me some sort of hope that maybe he would stay. But as the many times before now, my hoping and praying left me empty handed with only a day dream's existence of what should have been. Hard as I tried to stop them I could feel the tears betray me and silently fall as my brother stood before us, a letter from Colonel Tavington in his hand. A boy only afew days older than 18 ready to be a soldier of War, leaving his dreams and family behind him.

Ma held the handkerchief to her mouth in attempt to hold back the sobs that ripped through her chest while Caroline and Nicollette sat beside her. Pa stood beside the couch, the pride in his eyes easy to decipher even in the dim glow from the fireplace. One by one, my brother's blue eyes drifted over each of them to read their expressions until finally he got to me, my feet firmly planted in the doorway to the kitchen. Our gazes locked, the tension so thick it would be impossible to cut through it with a bayonet. So many things ran through my head, things I wanted to say but couldn't get my vocal chords to cooperate because the passageways to my lungs clenched together threatening to choke me. With more effort than would have been necessary, I managed to get enough air out to speak.

"Why?"

"It's my duty." He sighed.

"To hell it is!"

"Watch your language, young lady." My mother croaked.

"He's about to march into a field to get shot at and your worried about my choice of words?" I couldn't stop myself. Before it took all the energy I had just to breath and now the words came as though they were spilling out of a faucet.

"He's going to fight for what he believes in, to take a stand and be a man. You should be proud." My father scowled at me, but for the first time I was not going to let that be the end of it.

"Proud?" I laughed sarcastically. "Proud of what? That he's signing his own death certificate? That he might as well go pay Mr. Garrison to build his coffin now?"

"Now you shut your mouth. You don't know nothin about this war and obviously don't understand the honor he's been given."

"Sure, Honor. Tell me, what's the honor in suicide?"

"ENOUGH!"

"NO!" I yelled back. The menacing look in my fathers light eyes deepened, making me shiver.

"What'd you say to me?"

"He's got so much more going for him than any other man in this town. An education, good with his hands, and he's going to just throw it all away because people think that color determines a man's social status. Him running off to stand in line while soldiers from the north shoot at him is like suicide. And you're letting him go?! I'd rather him put a bullet through his head now then have to wait months for what I know is going to happen, something YOU let happen."

"I SAID ENOUGH!"

Ma and the girls shook with the roaring intensity of his voice but I stood strong, refusing to let him pacify me with his temper. If I was supposed to just watch a person I love walk to his death, I wasn't going to give up without fighting because then I would know that I did all I could, and that losing him was undoubtedly inevitable, though the knowledge would not spare me the torment. But would it would be enough knowing I tried my hardest? The thought clawed at my insides, causing me to lose my battle with my strength sickening me with fear.

"Now, now." Ma said, clearing her throat. "You tell your brother you're sorry and show him the support he needs."

"I can not apologize for something Im not sorry for." The tears were flowing now, suffocating in my anxieties again.

"Addilen, I can't stay here forever." He spoke alas, voice calm as spring rain.

"It's not like it matters right? You won't live past 20 if you even make it to 19."

"I won't let myself-"  
"Gabriel Thomas said the same thing to his family three months ago, and today they got a letter in the mail saying he fell at Fort Lincoln. Mathew Haven joined last year and his general said there hasn't been word of him in weeks." I gasped for a breath trying to maintain my composer. "I can't handle losing you."

"I have to go." He whispered.

"Go then. But don't expect me to cry over your grave when you die."

With that said, I detach myself from the floor and ran out the back door, the cold night air stinging my tear stained cheeks. I ran as fast as I could to the barn, falling on the shortest mound of hay I came to closest to the door. The pain hit me like a brick to the head, and it was only mere seconds until I was crying so much that I could've drowned in my own tears had I been in a tub. Each time a thought of my big brother laying in a field, tattered and beaten, left to bleed to death made me feel like I wanted to puke. I didn't understand how he would want that for himself, regardless of the cause behind it. I knew that my mother felt the same way, as did my sisters but none of them would be brave enough to speak against my father. I couldn't sit there all calm like they did, I just wanted to lay here and hope beyond all hope that he would change his mind. I was unaware that anyone had fallowed me until I felt the bale of hay shift and someone's warm hand touch my arm.

"Addilen please, please try and understand." His voice was low, strained-hurting as he begged me to see reason. I turned my head to see if my ears were not just playing tricks on me and that he was really upset with me like he should be, for what I said. Instead of seeing anger, I saw pure anguish etched into those blue eyes of his. Unable to bare the fact that I had caused him any pain at all, I threw my arms around his neck pulling myself closer to him.

"Jasper Im so sorry." I cried in his shoulder. "I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't. Just please don't go." In one swift motion, he picked me up and cradled me in his lap, rubbing my back in attempts to calm me down.

"Shh, it's alright, it's alright."

"No it's not. I told you I'd rather you shoot yourself than leave. It's not true." I heard him take a ragged breath.

"But you do mean it." I looked up at him, panic taking the place of fear.

"No, no I don't."

"Yes you do." He murmured. "It's okay, Im not mad at you. I understand how you feel, but you need to understand how I feel."

"Jasper I know your reasons behind fighting, I know you too well. Im just scared that somethin might happen to you."

"I know you're scared, Im scared too. I don't want face those guns any more than you want me to, but I can't talk about believing in something and not take the action to prove it. So many things are gonna change for the better after this, and everything will be okay."

"How? How will it be okay? I don't know if you're commin back."

"Of course Im gonna come back."

"You can't be sure." I whispered.

"Sure I can be sure." Then he smiled. "Im stubborn remember. I'll take extra care while Im out there."

"You promise?"

"I promise you, Addilen. I'll come back home." He kissed the top of my head before standing up and carried me back to the house.


End file.
